The other side of mom

The other day a colleague asked me to name the most interesting person I have interviewed so far. It's difficult to name one, I said. Being a journalist, it's always exciting to meet new people, hear their stories and then write them down in my own words. Some people are interesting, some stories are boring. Some people are warm and welcoming, for others it requires tact and patience to uncover details that shape up their personality. All offer different experiences. The challenge is to present an unprejudiced view of the personalities you meet especially if it's someone you deeply admire or someone who manages to irk you during the interview.

(Left): Ranju Bhatia;
(Right) : Alexshendra

Interviewing someone close to you is an experience on its own. I realised that last month when I interviewed my mom for a story. Mom is a Hindi writer. For a story on 'Is Hindi literature dying amongst the youth', my editor suggested we arrange a dialogue between her and a young author Alexshendra Venus Bakshi to discuss how Hindi literature can be made relevant for young audience. Bakshi recently launched her book Aarambh ki Gyarah Kahaniya. Although a bilingual, the young writer chose to write in Hindi. Mom, Ranju Bhatia, released her second book Kuch Meri Kalam Se, a collection of short poems.  

I don't know anyone more closely than I know her. Yet the interview surprised me. It brought forth a distinct side of her personality. Confident, articulate...she was different from how I know her as my mother. Contrary to what I thought, I was able to look at her objectively. I can't yet put a finger on the most interesting interview but this one is certainly most special! 

(You can read the interview in the June issue of Atelier Diva magazine available on stands across major cities in India.)

No Country for Women

The year comes to an end and after scores of speculations finally the world did not come to an end. But for India, a part of humanity certainly did.

There is angst, grief, disgust, despair that amongst us live monsters like those six accused in the horrendous gang rape case. There's shame that we are a part of this society and there's shock that humanity can stoop so low. And between all the unrest in the country, 'the girl' breathed her last this morning and is perhaps now resting in peace in some better world.

'Amanat', 'Damani', 'Nirbhaya'...she has been given several names. It would perhaps have been best to call her 'Anonymous' or may be 'Common Woman' for she represents every girl who is teased, raped, beaten and dies several deaths every day. And because it happens everyday, why has this case become such an highlight, some asked. Because what she faced was an ultimate case of brutality. Because we as a society needed a wake up call. Because sadly we all have learnt to 'live with it'. As I write this, the domestic help, who happens to be a 24-year-old married girl just reiterates this. She's telling me how her husband often beats her up and her in-laws accuse of her having extra-marital affairs. I tell her not to tolerate this and take some action against it. She's reluctant and says she has accepted it as her fate.

And haven't we all? We have trained ourselves to turn a deaf ear to the group of three-four guys who pass lewd comments while we are walking on road. We ignore the push and touch on bus, metro or even road. We now don't frown when we read about at least two rape cases in the morning newspapers. It is all around us...an everyday occurrence and so a part of our lives. The incident has shaken us all and it is important that the agitation doesn't go waste.

"We will ensure that her death doesn't go in vain," says our dear PM. We really hope so sir. We hope not just Delhi but the entire country becomes free democratic for women.

It is also important that we all resolve to speak up and raise our voices. Why turn coward and tell girls around us to "be home by 7", "not step out without male company", "leave office by 6" et cetera. It is obviously important to be alert and safe but let's not get intimidated. And that will be the true tribute to "the girl", a true brave-heart who reportedly fought not just when the monsters attacked her but also life till she could.

It's time we act. Make noise, be alert, learn self defense, gather crowd, call cops...of course, we need better laws and policies for our aid. Moreover rather more importantly, we need a change in mindset.

Hope this is the last straw...the final call to wake up as a society to make it a better place.

(I wrote this post for the website Glad2bawoman. It was published here: http://www.glad2bawoman.com/category/rights/awakening)

She...

...Shines like moonlight on a long breezy night
She gushes like untamed waves in a mischievous sea;
Her laugh like gurgle of a baby,
She is everything you want her to be.

She is a woman in love...

Like naive clay on a potter's wheel
She lets you mold all her dreams...
Her eyes meet yours and
She sees whatever you make her believe

She is a woman in love...

One day it will all change
When she'll hear life's original song
Illusions it will all seem
And she would have 'lost faith in love'

But till then...
Don't wake her up, just let her dream on
Let her be what she's happy to be
...A woman rapt in your love.

Death in the womb (Female Foeticide Part 2)

[This is a first person account on female foeticide.]

I was killed for a crime that I did not commit. Rather, for a crime that wasn’t a crime at all.

I quietly lay in the dingy womb hoping to see the beautiful world outside. I lay there dreaming of the tiring evenings when I would play with grandpa in the park. I dreamt of nights when grandma would tell me the tales of beautiful fairies and princess in the castle. I dreamt of daddy scolding me for hiding his car keys. I also dreamt of my brother teasing and irritating me. I dreamt of the love that would be showered upon me once I become a part of the world of these wonderful people. But all my dreams were shattered.

My story came to end even before it could start. My story ended the day doctor aunty told ma and daddy that I would be born as a girl. The clinic had a board saying: “Spend 500 rupees now and save Rs 5 lakh later.”
“It’ll all be done in 15 minutes,” I heard doctor aunty saying. I thought it was time for me to see the faces of the two people who created me. But little did I know my creators would be my destroyers. I shouted…albeit in silence. It took a little knife and Rs 500 to mute my voice. It was all done in 15 minutes. I was denied a life.
Rohan, whom I thought I’d call bhaiya, faced no such situation. He was given the right to witness the colours of life because he’d be an earner and would carry on the family name. He’d also support parents in their old age. But daddy what if he turns out to be like you? What if he too finds his monthly income too meager to support ma and you? What if he too leaves you, one evening, in a nice old age home? Then wouldn’t his right of existence be unjustified?
Mamma, I remember the scriptures you read when you did not know the gender I was to have. “In this land, a woman is worshipped- Nari sarvatre pujyate,” this is what you had read. It is in this very land that mamma you did not allow me to see how the women are worshipped.

Female foeticide, the gravest of all issues concerning women, was most common in urban China in the second half of twentieth century. Female infanticide is still a problem in developing countries, especially developing countries where males are valued over females. In most countries in the world, there are approximately 105 female births for every 100 males. In India, there are less than 93 women for every 100 men in the population. Some are killed in the womb, others perished as infants, while many women succumb in a desperate bid to have a male child. Today, we are living with the illusion that we are at par with the developed giants of the world. Considering the scenario, we must think a hundred times even before we call ourselves citizens of a progressive nation of the 21st century. We may have developed technologically; but are we putting these technological developments to proper use?

Today's Woman: Sick & Perverted!?

"Today's woman has the freedom of being as sick and perverted as the guys." This is a quote from the movie Just One of the Guys
How many of the reader's agree? Here's the poem: Hey Girl!:


A group of friends were chatting in a public park in the city
Their conversations can be termed as being totally "sick and dirty"

They commented on everyone who passed their way
And stared at them as if their eyes had x-ray!

And then they would go on a fantasy trip
thinking of various ways to seductively strip

Hey do you think this was a bunch of just other men!?
Na, Na these were a group of "sick and perverted" women

A guy who overheard their conversation was totally perplexed
when he heard a girl say - All day I dream about sex.

The guy went home feeling funny that day,
Shocked, with the things he heard them say

But that's the freedom woman of today enjoys
Her thoughts are 'free' just like the boys'

These are reflections of the changing times
No more will SHE live in the superficial confines!

She can talk 'whatever' is on her mind...
What she should not think...now no one can define

What was a 'natural' behaviour for guys till yesterday
...is absolutely fine for the women of today

Today, she can be sexy, naughty and bitchy
She is absolutely cool with her sexuality....

Erotica, lust, desire and the sex toys-
these are no more just the territories of boys

As women have the freedom to be as sick & perverted as guys

Acceptance of this fact has already begun
...After all why should boys have all the fun!

Mother - 'Cause God Couldn't Be Everywhere

MOTHER

Wikipedia describes the word ‘mother’ as the biological or social female parent of a child or offspring. But the meaning of this word which perhaps means the world to a child, goes much beyond that. Its because of her that a child comes to this earth and she is the one who introduces him to the rest of the world. Being the first teacher, she is the one who instills the value system in her child.

"All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel Mother."- said Abraham Lincoln. And true it is. Its said that children are like clay and this clay is moulded into a fine human by the potter called “mother”.

Of all the relations one has in life the most important is that with mother. She is the one who understands all your troubles even before you thought of sharing them with her. She is the night watchman for her baby to hear the slightest turn of her baby. She is a perfect nurse and a wonderous doctor who surprisingly has cure for every little disease you had. She can fix it all. May be she has some magic in her hands else how else could all your worries and fears be relieved just with one touch of hers?? She is a councellor, a referee for all those silly disputes you are struck in…….she is the light at the end of the tunnel.

But perhaps a mother is quite underpaid. Her baby usually forgets that all she did for him was not just her duty. The day she first holds him in her arms she falls in love with her creation! And it is for this love she works day and night to turn that clay into someone unique….. someone perfect. Of all the rights of women the greatest is motherhood. a mother is an angel for her child. “Ma”, “mom”, “mamma”, “amma”- call her by any name she is the epitome of God on this earth.

A jewish proverb very aptly puts this as God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.

She was denied a life....(Female foeticide)

Prabhuji mein tori binti karoon
Paiyan Paroon bar bar
Agle Janam Mohe Bitiya Na Dije
Narak Dije Chahe Dar...

Oh, God, I beg of you,
I touch your feet time and again,
Next birth don't give me a daughter,
Give me Hell instead... --An old Folk Song From Uttar Pradesh

Female foeticide is an extreme manifestation of violence against women. Here I share my poem on the appalling practise of female foeticide.




From a few months,
Inside a woman's womb dwelled a little life.
lying there with tiny hands and her little feet,
she had just begun to breathe
With little lips she smiled,
She was looking forward to live a life.
as she lay there looking at the outside world so bright,
she had decided many things: in her tiny little mind......
inside whom she lay todayshe'll call that woman her 'mother'
from inside she could see her dad
also, she was to have an elder brother.
who would sometimes tease her away
she'll climb her father's shoulders
she'll play with her grandfather all day
She’ll play with dolls, her toys
And fiddle with daddy’s keys..
She’ll go to sleep
Listening to her granny’s lullabies.
she'll bring with her lot of joys n happiness
and would be showered with lot of love
she'll be treated like a princess
and like a little angel sent from above....
suddenly something happened
her little dreams were all shattered.
What did she just hear?
Why was her little heart was filled with fear?
All her imaginations
Were torn apart
How could a mother be so cruel?
How could a father take a decision so harsh?
Her existence wasn’t considered necessary
For being a part of the beautiful world…
perhaps all this was only,
Because she was to be a girl…
She started shouting and started yelling
She wanted to live-is what she was telling
But nobody heard; nobody cared
The silent screams of this unborn child
Were so easily muted
By the surgeon’s knife..
when even God had willed it...
why was the 'girl' denied of living a life?

Being a woman

Being a woman..


"I don't know how it is but she has the power
She can make me laugh when I wanna cry
She tells me that I'm in control but I know it's just a lie"

These are the lines of a lovely song by Lionel Richie and Enrique titled -"to love a woman". I really love this song. probably because i love being a woman!

Harassment, sexual violence, eve teasing, mental tensions- too much for being the 'fairer sex'; albeit the joys of being a woman may overshadow these! i remember during one of our value education classes- back in school we were asked to write advantages of being a woman and those of a man. we easily enlisted benefits a man has but found serious limitations in the other case. the only advantage i remember that we 13 years old thought was having the power to produce a life. Surely that would the most beautiful aspect of being a woman..but is that all?
Many years have passed...and in these many years i have discovered what a great privilege it is to be called just that...being the individual I am and being the woman I am. and I feel very proud of being one. and if today i am given the same assignment again i can surely please my teacher by listing loads of glories of being a woman!
Woman- is a proof that God extends forgiveness to the world lost in confusion...
woman- with a caress can make a pauper believe that he is a king!
A woman- is a daughter; a sister; she's a wife, a mother, a friend, a lover, a mate.....all in a lovely package
Its amazing how a woman is so wonderfully loving and caring. her serenity and endurance is even more amazing. a woman can bear it all and still come out smiling..a woman even manages to love the jerks who give her all the tears!
other perks of being a woman is our ability to shop for hours, we can cry, we can be dumb and still be cute.....!!
a woman is a perfect mix that makes men go weak kneed. sensuality combined with nurturing; mischiefs coupled with immense care; vivacity mixed with quiet understanding.. a woman surely is a heady mix....the best creation of almighty.
I claim and celebrate my being in this world as WOMAN -- with woman values and woman views, woman blood and woman heart and woman soul.


Here's a humorous piece i came across - Benefits of being a woman